All over my socials, I see the Netflix documentary “The Death of a Pastor’s Wife” being discussed. It wasn’t until submission started popping up in many of my conversations that I decided to hash it out here. We’ve lost the point of submission and buried it under modern thoughts. Let’s go back to the controversial Ephesians 5 passage.
What Does Ephesians 5 Say About Submission?
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Ephesians 5:21-24
Submission is a loaded word. But are we bringing our assumptions to this passage before we hear what Paul is saying. Paul uses submit, which comes from a Greek military term and is used to show they are under the command of a leader. When used in a non-military way, it means it’s a voluntary attitude of giving in and cooperation. The way we submit to one another is voluntary. When Jesus saw the distress of his parents in Luke 2, He voluntarily left His Father’s house and obeyed His parents.
Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand what he was saying to them.
Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. Luke 2:49-51
This is when Jesus was a boy, and He stayed back at the temple, causing His parents to have to search for Him. He tells them, “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” This is where Jesus belongs, but He was “obedient” to his parents. That’s an authority that God put over Jesus in that season. The word obedient here is the same word we use in Ephesians 5:24 where wives submit to their husbands. That same root word is there in Romans 13 where we are told to submit to governing authorities. When we find ourselves struggling with submitting to authority, we can recognize that Jesus has walked that walk. Both with God (“Not my will, but yours”) and with people. He had a place He had to be, but allowed Himself to be subject under those who God put above Him.
Is Submission Only for Wives?
Biblical submission isn’t a gender based topic. It’s not “women must submit”, it is an overarching biblical principle that everyone needs. Jesus walked it out in obedience with His parents. We also see in Ephesians 5:21 that we as a body should be submitting to one another, and in Romans 13 we are called to submit to governing authorities. Why does God give us these places and roles in which we must submit?
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, Philippians 2:3
Submission in Marriage: Facing Fear and Choosing Trust
Submitting requires us to put aside our wants, ambitions ,and vanities and trust someone else. But what if I don’t trust them? What if the rulers and authorities don’t have my best interests in mind? Submitting requires my eyes to go from the person over me, past them to God. Can I trust God to be sovereign when the authorities are wicked? Can I trust Him to lead me if my husband isn’t acting godly? Will He still be good if this doesn’t go my way?
Ladies, we struggle with fear. It is so easy to say “I am safer when I am in control” and refuse to submit. Submitting to our husbands is submitting to God. He is asking us to die to our selfish ambition and value our husbands over ourselves.
What Does Ephesians 5 Ask of Husbands?
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church. Ephesians 5:28-29
Men you aren’t off the hook here. Not only are you called to submit to one another in verse 21, but then it’s added that you have to love your wife. The love used in this verse is the selfless love that doesn’t demand anything in return. If women struggle with fear, men struggle with pride. Both calls in Ephesians call us to live outside of our comfort: Women must trust their husbands, and husbands must put themselves to the side to deeply love their wives.
If we both lived in that dynamic, submission would always be seen as a beautiful action. Our marriages are training grounds for how we walk with God. They are a witness to His goodness as they actively sanctify us. A healthy marriage is a beacon to the outside world.
Living Out Biblical Submission in Community
While we walk in discipleship relationships we must call the men and women under us into Titus 2 walks. Men need to be taught to be self-controlled and how to be an example of good works with integrity. Women need to be taught to be reverent and how to love their husbands and children. This happens in a community where lives are lived together. If you aren’t actively in each other's lives, you cannot correct and call people forward. Who knows your marriage well enough to challenge the way you love, lead, trust, or respond when you’re wrong? Does your pride get in the way of your obedience?